Ruins, ruined self-esteem and a reserve

She walked in the restaurant like an angel, all in white, bronzed body shimmering. 

And I felt sick. Sick of myself, sick of my pasty, flabby body. Covered in mosquito bites. Even on my bingo wings. How does someone look like that? How could I look like that? 

But first, the ruins. 

Tulum ruins are Mayan, with a castle and outhouses, and based around streets. 

They’re stone. They’re interesting. They had great ocean views. 

And so many tourists. 

So we head back to town, and then onto the beach. Delicious tacos and beers, what more could you want? We ordered more tacos, and more beer, and afterwards we sat on the beach. All afternoon. 

And now my back is burnt, to add to the many mosquito bites I have picked and scratched, and it only adds to the low self-esteem. Sexy women don’t get burnt. The bronze angel in the taqueria probably never gets burnt.

I am always disappointed in myself when I find myself judging others, and when I judge myself. Then I judge myself as weak and self-centerd and for being disappointed and the cycle gets more vicious. These are feelings that need to be unpacked. But not right now, not in this blog.

The rest of the day was spent at the beach, and then back at the hostel playing 20+1. People went for food - I stayed home to eat my own food. I finished Orphan Black. I bumped my nose on my bunk in the dark. 

Today I was up early to go on a tour to Sian Ka’an nature reserve. Bumping along the dirt roads we saw a crocodile and a stingray. Out on the boat we saw dolphins and green turtles. We snorkelled and lounged in white sand waters. We ate a buffet lunch in Punta Allen, a village of only 600 people. We walked back through the reserve to the lagoon and it was smooth sailing back to the bus. I was damp. Normally I would hate to be this way but I wasn’t cold so it was bearable. 

The road back was just as bumpy and then I came straight back for a shower. I’m alone in my hostel room again; the other people have left. That leaves time for reflection and photo reviewing. 

10th &11th Febrero

Listened to: cover versions of old 80s songs. Oh and a man playing the bottles. 

Read: Fire & Fury - moving between this and What Happened is more frustrating that just reading either. 

Ate: tacos! And buffet food. 

Drank: Dos Equis, Tecate, and Squirt - yes you read that right. Look it up.