Yesterday morning my tuk tuk arrived 15 minutes early to take me to the bus station. This has never happened in Asia.
The good luck ran out almost instantly.
I was sat next to a man who played terrible music loudly, found it hilarious to facetime him friend and show them me sitting next to him, and apparently has the biggest balls in Laos if his manspreading was anything to go by.
Oh and he played with the air con units so they both pointed at him.
The bus was due to leave at 8.00 but didn't leave until 8.40. But after that it was plain sailing and halfway through we stopped for lunch. We got given water and a snack in the morning and our ticket came with a lunch token. I broke my no Laos street food rule and hoped for the best, avoiding the meat in my noodle soup.
At lunch I saw my next chair neighbour waddling. I think his jeans are too tight and he probably does have something wrong with his balls to walk like that. I got back on after lunch to find his legs spread wide again like he was having a paper smear. I had really started to hate him, irrationally. I had woken up at one point to see his legs spread out and his touch was touching my shoe. And he had nodded asleep on my shoulder to which I responded as though a spider had dropped on it and violently jerked my shoulder upward, waking him up.
I might have been sitting next to the Laos Record Holder of testicles but I didn't care.
Then an hour after lunch, at a place called Pakpo on Google Maps, he got off. Two other guys asked the driver to stop, and they all got off. So I suddenly had an empty seat next to me. I moved over and wondered if new people would get on in Vang Vieng.
Instead, a girl sat next to me so she could be across the aisle from her friend. She'd been behind her before. And they both slept. Why do you need to be across from one another to sleep?
The last hour was torture, because you know you're so close. We got in an hour early, so it was only 11 hours.
You won't catch me doing any bus journeys much longer than that I dont think.
Especially not in Cambodia, where the traffic is hella mental.
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